Reestablishing...SELF.

Lately, I've been so tired - in every way. I've felt I had no emotional or mental bandwidth for anything that required my attention (other than work.)

A friend told me told me once, "let yourself be tired. You're depleted; it's in those moments in pause that you allow yourself to feel again." Today has been one of those days. Today has been the first time I've come back to myself.

The past few months...years, really - I have been far away from myself. I look back and started to wonder where I went, who I became, and how I ended here. While on the surface, and not to be dismissed, I have achieved a lot. The other side of the equation, the alignment with self, had gotten lost.

I've spent the last few years foregoing myself, my needs, my wants and taking the weight and ownership of things that didn't belong to me. I've confused myself and second guessed myself having been told of all the things that I'm not with little-to-no acknowledgement of who I am.

I hadn't been this confused about myself, I don't think ever. I was getting perceived in the opposite light of what others have shared with me. My want for collaboration or to be kept in mind was turned into me not being supportive of the other's need. I got so turned upside down and was made to be not a supportive person.

As I start to work through the replays, I'm realizing that it was not out of the question to be considered, to want the communication to be about how to grow together and to compromise - not to sacrifice.

Even as I type this out, I don't have the succinct words to articulate how backwards things felt. What I can say is I'm starting to work through it. And, the silver-lining is: relearning and redefining my approach on my relationships and my relationship with myself.