Concentric Circles.

A concentric circles / objects is defined as two or more circles with a common center. Each concentric circle will have a different radius but the same center point which is also called a midpoint. If two circles overlap but have different centers, they are not concentric circles.

Visualizing relationships as concentric circles (also known as The Ring Theory) allows us to see their interconnectedness and evaluate their significance. This can help with the introspective exercise of assigning values and expectations to each ring/relationship.

I've been giving a lot of thought into...a lot lately. Which, initially, might sound overwhelming. But let me paint the contrast of what was: dissecting the same subject over and over is exhausting. It feels good to be able to think of other things in ways that are more self reflecting. Continuing to think about why's and how's around other people's actions, behaviors, decisions is pointless. These are things we cannot control; we can only control ourselves, how and who we want to be, and show up in the world in those ways.

While there is always a lot going on upstairs for me, I don't necessarily see it as a bad thing. Quite frankly, it's because I give a shit about myself and it's important to me in how I show up for myself, to others, and to the world. That said, I'm not always thinking; I'm too much a feeler to be overly cerebral.

Lately, I've been giving a lot of focus into what's mine, what is not and how I want to move forward. This isn't isolated to romantic relationships. This also encompasses my professional life, my friendships, and other aspects of my personal life.

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Midpoint:

I am the midpoint. I am the center. In the grand scheme of things, the rings that are closest to me starts with family -> partner -> friendships -> coworkers -> acquaintances -> strangers. (1 - 3 are interchangeable as I sometimes see them as one in the same as it relates to my priorities.)

Ring 1 - Family:

Jesus. I am such a family/community oriented person. Having studied sociology, (though I did nothing directly related to my degree, it has immensely helped me in navigating my professional life and I've somehow landed in a profession that is perfect for me), the majority of humans are built on community and sharing multiple communities.

That holds especially true for me as my family (blood and chosen) are sacred. I will go to great lengths to nurture & grow these "family" connections and seek out to share in experiences and grow my own community / family.

There's a lot of overlap for me here as I define "family" both by DNA commonalities and also the people I choose to share my life with - friends & partners, alike. Likewise, with the exception of my mom, all parties can rotate in and out - both voluntarily or by my own volition in deciding what feeds vs what eats.

Ring 2 - Partner:

In addition to my mom and dog, she's the center of my universe. Some people might take that is extreme focus on "towards" ('I will give this and that, etc'). From my lens and frame of mind, "center of my universe" means understanding the needs and wants at a macro, and more importantly, micro level. That range could mean the traditional queen treatment to giving space (I think people really forget about the latter - the eb and flow that's needed and take it personally). There is a very keen need to understand what is required for the benefit of the relationship vs always pulling and tugging for one's personal wants. That means laying down one's ego in favor of truly wanting to understand your person, where they are coming from and why it's important to them. There has to be a balance. Fighting to be right vs conversing for growth & understanding, I've found, is missing a lot in the human mindset. Ego and fragility runs the show, sometimes. It happens to all of us - some more than others when there isn't a high EQ or high level of self awareness.

Ring 3 - Friendship:

This is my chosen family. I've been reflecting a lot about this, recently. It came to my attention how freely I pour my energy into people without looking for / feeling reciprocity. I, generally, have very high standards and a high bar - for myself and in turn, others. Because I hold myself to these standards, I expect the same from others. Because I already assume it in my friendships, and because my existing close circle of friends meet this bar, I assume that to be the case with everyone. As I replay certain situations, I realized that I poured energy (with the expectation of growing certain friendships) as a new lesson-learned. I realized that there are times where people don't make you feel safe and you have to move on. My energy, intention, integrity and care are too valuable to be put in a repeat situation of feeling unsafe. This makes me incredibly grateful for the people I choose to surround myself with.

Ring 4 - Coworkers:

There are definitely sub-groups that make amazing friends. These are some of the friendships that can be so cathartic when bitching about the various challenges of work and building a relationship that expands to commiserating about things outside of work. It makes sense that there is a subset of coworkers that move from colleague to friendship. However, this particular subset is very small for me. I keep hard boundaries mixing business with pleasure (especially in a leadership position, this is a must.) That said, I'm lucky to have peers bridge over the friends and they have been amazing to grow with (both professionally and personally.)

Ring 5 - Acquaintances:

Not really much to say here other than keeping friendly and copacetic isn't asking for much. At the end of the day, a friendly smile or any kind of acknowledgement never hurt anyone. Selfishly, if flashing a smile at someone can help brighten a moment in their day, I'm here for it.

Why all of this?

I've taken a self-inventory of my rings which in turn defines value in myself, the value of others and their place in my life. The older I get and the more I take care of myself, the smaller my threshold is for things that don't align. I don't have the fortitude to sit through noise and bullshit and I'm growing quick to rearrange and clean up. Quality.

Lesson:

Some people really do the best they can with the capacity they have. I give so much grace for that because it's part of the human condition. I don't think people have conscious intentions of being hurtful.

That said, the more you take care of yourself: mentally, emotionally, physically, and so on, and really go through some hard stuff and do the hard work, the less likely you are to let anything or anyone mess with you because it took so much (really hard) effort. The flip side to that, at least in my own belief, is that the people who go through the most are some of the most empathetic because they've been through the hard stuff and know what it's like to really hurt.